Thursday, January 8, 2015

Cowboys vs Lions Wild Card Recap



I am alone. I sit on the couch with the lights off, the blackout curtains drawn, and the ceiling fan rhythmically whirring above me. I have a cold beer nearby, and alcohol slightly further out of reach. You know, just in case this game goes the way I think it will. My soulless eyes, which normally serve as a window to my broken spirit, reflect the FOX pregame show. My eyes glaze over as they build the narratives around the game. It is the first time in history one of the leading stories in a playoff matchup began with the sentence “Barry Church had this to say.” It’s finally over. They’ve given their picks. Rob Riggle has wiped whatever was left of a smile off my face. Footage of Romo bobbling the snap is shown. I clutch my beer tightly. 

It’s time. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

NFL Wild Card Picks & Predictions - I Hope My Cowboys and Steelers Win This Week



It's been a long season. Domestic abuse, child abuse, Johnny Manziel - the list goes on and on. Whether your team snagged a bye, barely limped in, or is watching from the couch, we can all agree that it's hilarious that the Eagles missed the playoffs.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

NFL Week 17 Picks & Predictions - Who Wants it Less?



This is it. The final week of the regular season. More importantly, the final week of Redzone until next September. No Thursday Night Football, no Monday Night Football. One day, every team, all divisional matchups. I hope my boy hole can handle it. 


Friday, December 19, 2014

NFL Week 16 Picks & Predictions



*slams fist on desk* FOOTBALL ON SATURDAY? Son of a BITCH. Clear the schedule. Clear the whole thing. If RG3 throws an interception and I'm not there to post "RG3INTs" I'll be the laughing stock of my entire timeline. You will take time away from my kids but you will not be responsible for me missing hot NFL memes fresh out of the oven. God DAMN you for this, Goodell. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

NFL Week 15 Picks & Predictions

Rome. Whats up. I wanted to chime in on the Panthers. I guess you could say that’s not the only drive of Cam’s that ended with a turnover. Hehehe, see what I mean? I guess you could say he can’t finish a drive. Hahaha. Blacks are lazy and will never succeed at the elite level of quarterback because their inferior brains can’t process intricate playcalling and defense recognition. Thanks for taking my call.